Those Three Words
by SD17
Summary: "I hate you" Raph growled at his older brother. Effectively ending their fight with those three words. But Raph didn't mean them. He could never articulate what he really meant when it came to Leo.


**A/N: **Ok so this isn't my first fanfic but it is my **first **TMNT Fanfic. Hope I did ok...it is full of brotherly fluffiness, Which I adore. I didn't want them to be OOC BUT when you get a bit smooshy with the brotherly love it can happen. Although in my mind every one lets their guard down and shows emotions some times.

Oh yeah and I don't own them *Sob*

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><p><strong>Those Three Words...<strong>

"I hate you" Raph growled at his older brother. Effectively ending their fight with those three words. But Raph didn't mean them. He could never articulate what he really meant when it came to Leo. He didn't hate Leo. He hated the constant nagging. He hated being bossed around. He hated the feeling that no matter what he did, he was never good enough for Leo. That even when he was doing his best, even when he was doing what he was doing to protect some innocent person or their family. It wasn't enough, because it wasn't the way Leo would have handled things.

After those three words, silence filled the lair. Leo stood ridgid, no readable expression on his face. He wasn't going to show how much those words had hurt him. How much his heart was breaking, at the truth finally coming out. At those three words. Leo had suspected that Raph felt this way about him. That's why he never listened. Why he always wanted to fight. Why they could never have a civil conversation anymore. But to hear it out loud. It was more then he could take.

Both brothers stared at each other. One trying to figure out how to take what he said back and say what he really meant. One trying to figure out how things had got this far. How things had got to this point. To those three words.

It was as if those three words had sucked all the air out of the lair. Their other two brothers, who had witnessed the whole ugly fight. Were now sitting at the kitchen table, in stunned silence. Not sure what to do. Waiting for their older brothers to make some sort of move. It started to seem like no one ever would. Then Leo turned on his heel, without looking back, without saying a word he exited the lair. And he was gone.

Slowly everyone broke out of their trance, Raph took one step towards the stairs and stopped. Not knowing what to do. He was the one that usually stormed off topside. Not Leo. Raph felt sick. Guilt tore at his heart. He didn't mean it. He didn't...those three words, it wasn't what he meant to say.

Mikey felt scared. Leo and Raph always fought, but this just seemed different. Leo wasn't usually the one to walk away. And, and Raph had never said THAT before. Those three words mad Mikey feel scared...and kind of angry. Angry that Raph could say something so hurtful and mean. Mikey wanted to race out after Leo, but maybe he needed space. Raph always did. Mikey looked to Don, _Don would know how to handle this surely_.

Don felt confused, and he wasn't used to that at all. But it was like his brain just wouldn't compute what he had witnessed. He was sure Raph hadn't actually meant those words. From the guilt-ridden look he was wearing now, Don was sure of it. He could feel Mikey's eyes on him, waiting to take his cue from Don's actions. Don thought of the blank look on Leo's face, the mask Leo had adapted to hide his pain, over the years, both physical AND emotional. He knew those three words had hurt his eldest brother, way more then he would ever admit.

"Go after him Raph" Don said before he'd even consciously decided on a course of action. This wasn't Raph storming away in anger...this was different. It was Leo fleeing before anything more could be said. _Space would only make things worse_, Don thought.

Raph was moving and out the door before Don had even finished his thought.

"Will they be ok Donny?" Mikey asked in a small voice, so unlike his usual exuberant one.

Don wasn't sure, things could go either way really. Sometimes things were said that just could not be taken back or fixed. It was dependant on how Raph handled this, and sensitivity was not his strong point usually. But Don also knew that Raph cared greatly for his family, and would do his best. Don just hoped his best was enough. Don looked at his little brothers tear filled eyes.

"Yes, they will be" came Don's reply. And he smiled to reasure his little brother...and himself, that it was true.

_TMNT TMNT TMNT TMNT_

It took Raph almost an hour to locate his brother on one of the roof tops near April and Casey's place. It was still light outside so Leo was sitting with his back against the brick edging off the roof top. Instead of his prefered positon on the edge, legs dangling as he watched the city. Leo didn't care about looking at the city, or anything much at this point. He just felt so guilty. So broken inside. Those three words had torn him apart. He told himself that he had suspected it all along. But to actually hear it from Raph, it made him want to curl up into a ball and never get up. What had he done to Raph, to their friendship. Leo knew it was his fault. It had to be. Your brother doesn't just hate you for no reason. He knew he bugged Raph alot. Pushed him, criticized him, yelled at him when he wouldn't listen, ordered him around to keep him and the others safe. Tried to teach him, tried to get him to think with a clear head, instead of rushing off into battle with out a thought. Leo knew every time he did these things he was pushing Raph further away. But he wasn't sure what else to do. He was the leader, it was his responsibility to keep them safe and focused. He didn't mean for things to get so out of hand with Raph, it seemed every time he opened his mouth lately it cause an argument between them. He felt like the harder Raph pushed the harder he pushed and around and around they went. Don and Mikey never had this trouble with him being the leader. They listened, for the most part. Leo guessed it was only a matter of time before his youngest brothers followed suit and began hating him as well. But he had to keep them safe, and if it meant Raph hated him...then so be it. Leo would sacrifice his own feelings and needs. As long a he knew all three of his brothers would be ok. As the tears began to fall, Leo wished he could get his aching heart to listen to his brain.

Raph watched his brother for a few moments before making a move. Leo had both his legs curled up against his chest. His head in his arms. Raph was sure Leo knew he was there, he always did. But he didn't look up. The whole time Raph had been looking for Leo he had been trying to work out what to say. And still he had nothing. Raph just didn't have a way with words. He was more a turtle of action. Every time he opend his mouth it seemed to come out wrong. Especailly when it came to Leo. Raph silenty made his way to his brothers side and sat down next to him. Action, I'm not good with words, I'm good with action, Raph thought. Before he could over think it and talk himself out of it, Raph pulled his brother into a tight hug. Leo sucked in his breath. Raph stopped breathing too. Leo wasn't sure why Raph had hugged him. You don't hug someone you hate, but after a few seconds Leo relaxed into his brother which helped Raph to relax a bit as well. A few minutes passed before Raph actually spoke.

"I'm sorry" He whispered.

Leo looked up at Raph for the first time, confusion on his tear stained face. Raph sucked in a sharp breath, at the realisation that his brother, their 'fearless' leader had been crying because of what he had said. Those three words, Raph would give anything to take back.

"I didn't mean it" Raph chocked out. Feeling very near tears himself. What kind of brother was he. Yeah Leo drove him up tha wall. But he didn't mean to hurt Leo. He never did. Raph took a few breaths and decided to try and explain those three words, what he had meant any way. Action alone wouldn't be enough in this situation. Keeping his arms around Leo he began "I jus ha-I mean I don't like it when ya constanlty on my shell about everything Leo. Contrary ta what everyone believes I'm not an idiot".

"Raph..." Leo began.

"Hang on let me say this, let me get through it" Raph asked, leaning back against the wall, keeping one arm around his big brother. Leo nodded and waited for Raph to continue.

"I know I should listen to ya more, especailly when we are on patrol or in a fight, but I just get so carried away sometimes. I want to keep you guys safe as well ya know. And I want to keep all the innocent people safe that I can. I feel like we have the skills ta do some good, and we should do that as much as we possibly can. When I see ya waiting and watching fer the 'right' moment ta enter the fight or not choosing to join in at all, part of me knows that it's the right thing ta do. To keep safe and smart. But the other part of me is terrified that every minute we wait will be one more casualty. One more family broken by loss. And I get so caught up in it I don't think bout the fact that I'm breakin my own family. When I'd do anythin to keep you guys safe. Which is another reason I rush in without thinkin".

Leo sat silently, listening to Raph. This was the most he'd heard his brother say in a long while.

"But mainly it's tha small things that bug me tha most, like waking me up fer trainin, tellin me how to dress when it's freezing. And I know ya do all that stuff 'cause ya care. But I'm a big boy now Leo, I can take care o' my self with those types of things. One thing that gets me tha most is ya picking at every little mistake I make, wether it be in trainin or just in general. I try so damn hard and it's never enough. I can't be perfect like you. I feel like no matter what I'm not good enough, that I'll never make ya...proud of me. And that eats me up inside, until all I feel is rage" Raph concluded. _Hey whoa, maybe I finally said what I meant. Maybe I can do this_, Raph thought.

Raph felt Leo shudder next to him and let out a muffled sob, _or maybe not _Raph thought as fresh tears spilled down Leo's cheek. Leo wiped them away with the back of his hand, trying to think of what he should say. He knew it was his fault. He never meant to make Raph feel this way...

"Hey...crap, see I do suck at this and I thought finally I'd said what I meant. I-I..." Raph struggled with what to say next. Feeling mad at himself for just making the situation worse as usual.

"No" Leo said in a shaky voice, finally getting a hold on himself. "You did good Raph" Leo said trying to make eye contant with his little brother, whose gaze was firmly on the cement roof top.

Raph looked up and smiled, it felt good to get a compliment of any sort from Leo, especialy when they seemed so few and far between these days.

"Then why did ya start cryin' agin?" Raph asked.

"Because I'm sorry Raph. I feel so bad" Leo started. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way...I just want you to be ok. I didn't even realise how much of a pain I was being. You guys, your my responsibility. Your safety AND wellbeing. Obviously I'm failing at that. If you been feeling this way, I just thought it was more to do with you resenting the fact that I'm the leader and your not."

"Well I do a bit" Raph said "I don't like being told what ta do...but I get that in certain situations it's needed for us to pull together as a team. Like in a battle, but I think I should be able to choose if I want ta put clothes on or not, stuff like that...don't ya think?"

Leo laughed "Gees am I that bad".

Raph laughed too "Sometimes I feel like changing ya name from 'fearless' leader to 'mother hen' they both suit ya"

"You know I'm not fearless Raph, you don't cry if your fearless, you don't worry if your fearless, you don't wait and watch for the right time to act if your fearless. Your more fearless then me" Leo replied.

Raph shook his head "I know I say it like it's an insult, most of the time...but I think ya are. I've seen ya take a bullet, just jumped right in front of it without even a hint of fear for ya self. That's fearless."

"I did it to protect Donny...and I was terrifed that if I wasn't quick enough..." Leo trailed off.

"Yeah and the countless other times you've saved one of our shells..."

"Your my brothers and it's my responsibility as leader to keep the team together and safe" Leo said looking back to the ground.

"Are ya sayin that if ya weren't the leader ya wouldn't try ta protect us?" Raph asked, knowing the answer.

Leo snapped his head up "Of course I would!" Leo gasped.

Raph smiled "I know. Ya know I think that's half our problem. You have all that responsibility, everything WE do is on YOUR shoulders, that's why I can run into a brawl without thinkin, cause I know ya got my back, that no matter how mad I make ya, you'll be there and that you've formulated some sort of plan with all ya 'watchin',' waiting' and 'plannin' so I don't have ta do it. I can be more careless bout things, 'cause I know you never are. And I know that's not fair, that I'm making things harder for ya. But what I'm trying ta say is I can act 'fearless' which is really me bein reckless because I know ya won't. That you'll fix it and take the responsibilty fer it when ya didn't do anything wrong. That is fearless, and brave and more than I could ever do, to shoulder the responsibility for all four of us" Raph finished. _Gees I have no idea where all this is comin' from_, Raph thought.

Leo stretched his legs out in front of him taking in what Raph had said.

"I don't know why this all suddenly seems clear ta me now, maybe 'cause I scared my self a little this time...with what I said" Raph added, "I get so mad sometimes that I can't think clear enough and just scream out anythin that pops inta my head. Ya believe that I didn't mean...what I said before?" Raph asked, not wanting to repeat those three words ever again.

Leo smiled and put his arm around Raph's shoulders "Yeah, I do. And how bout I promise to lay off you a bit with the small stuff ok?" Leo asked.

Raph smiled "I'll try ta...follow ya orders in fights and trainin and stuff" Raph repled.

"Try?" Leo asked raising his brow bone.

"Hard, I'll try hard" Raph added, chuckling.

"Deal" Leo said. "I feel like such a baby right now" Leo added starting to feel slightly embarrassed for bawling in his little brothers arms earlier.

"Don't I nearly lost it a few times myself" Raph reasured his brother.

"But you didn't" Leo replied.

"Trust me if I hadn't found ya when I did...I was bout ready ta..." Raph trailed off.

This time Leo pulled Raph into a hug "We good?" Raph asked.

"Not yet" Leo replied, remembering something his brother had said earlier.

Raph pulled back from the hug a little, fear in his eyes. _What else had he done?_

"I am always proud of you" Leo said. "Maybe sometimes you do things that I don't like so much. But I am always proud of you and you are NOT an idiot and NO ONE thinks you are" Leo added. "Oh and I am far from perfect."

Raph relaxed and leant into his brothers embrace again "Not ta me" he murmured. Leo smiled to himself. The brothers pulled away when they heard Raph's shell cell ringing. Don and Mike were obviously over waiting to see if things were okay.

"Hey Donny" Raph answered.

Leo listened to Raph's side of the conversation.

"Calm down. Yeah, 's ok now. We'll be back down soon. Ok see ya" Raph finished the call.

"Guess we better get back" Leo said. "We need to do this more often, hang out...talk, not talk" Leo added.

"Yeah" Raph agreed tilting his head to look at the stars that were now in the sky, no wonder Don had sounded frantic on the phone, they'd been gone a couple of hours now, it was dark.

"It's so nice just to sit and look at the stars" Leo said.

"Yep" Raph agreed, another one word response. Leo figured Raph was all talked out. _Who could blame him._

"It's peaceful" Leo replied.

"A huh" Raph said lazily looking at the glittering sky. "We should head back" He added.

"Yeah...let's just stay a few more minutes" Leo replied not wanting this moment with his little brother to end. For the first time in a long time, he felt as if he and Raph were going to be ok. And he had those three words... to thank for that.

Reviews would be awesome!


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